


Rules for Being a Good Person

by spf500



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Give Julia A Nice Day Please, Shadeless Julia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 18:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17268830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spf500/pseuds/spf500
Summary: Julia, sans shade. A character study.





	Rules for Being a Good Person

Here’s the thing: Julia didn’t actually want her shade back, because she knew it would only bring her pain. Life was so much more fun without the crippling trauma. She felt _good_ right now, better than she had in months. Her head was clear, and she was filled with a confident energy _._ She was ready to take action. 

_Martin might have had a point about the whole shade thing_ , she mused. And yes, she did realize that she was agreeing with a genocidal cannibalistic force of evil who had made her friends’ lives hell but, hey, even villains were right sometimes. Otherwise they wouldn’t be so terrifying.

Besides, Julia thought, she was basically a moral person, and morals were social constructs. She was an Ivy League student! She should be able to handle basic ethical dilemmas/functioning as a decent member of society without a shade. Yeah! All she needed was to set some ground rules to live by, and she should be okay.

 Okay, Rules to Being a Good Person, go:

  1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
  2. Do not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. *



 

_This is totally gonna work out. You’ve got this one, Jules._

 

*YES that is the rule from I, _Robot_ , and NO Julia does not see the irony here.

 

* * *

 

So maybe blowing up the talking forest wasn’t the, uh, _nicest_ thing to do. But! Someone has to be willing to make the tough decisions! And it was pretty nice of her to go out of her way to help Margo, she figured, since Julia was really only there to get some kind of anti-god protection. A distant part of her thought maybe the Fillorians would be upset about the arbocide, but she couldn’t quite figure out why. Wouldn’t they just be glad to have a leg up on the Lorians? It made perfect sense, logically speaking. Sacrifice the one for the many. Or at least, sacrifice…a couple for the many. And no humans had been harmed, so.

 It honestly baffled her, why Margo was so upset. Why couldn’t everyone else see things the way she did? It was so simple. If you have a problem, you take

the quickest and most direct route to fix it. She was the sword cutting through the Gordian knot of Fillorian politics.

 

* * *

 

Wow, kidnapping a U.S. senator was a real rush. She didn’t see what the others were so worried about. They were magicians, they held all the power, everything was going according to plan. She was having fun! Julia did have some nagging doubts since committing murder didn’t really count as “being a Good Person,” but she figured this was an exception because by murdering one (1!) dude they would be stopping Reynard, thus preventing a lot more (and more horrific) murders.

“Magic is real.” Julia watched John take in her magically-created fire, eyes widening in shock.

“Okay, is this some kind of a gag? Is this a publicity stunt for a TV show?”

_God, what an idiot, refusing to believe what was right in front of him. Is this what having a shade did to you? Made you into something soft and weak, unable to face the truth? I’m almost glad to be rid of it._

“We're Magicians being hunted by an evil God, and so are you.”

“Listen, obviously you guys believe this, and, and I respect that.”

“Bullshit.” Julia was quickly losing patience with this guy. Didn’t you have to be smart to be a U.S. senator? Actually, come to think of it, “inventing your own version of reality where everything is perfect” was probably an asset in politicians.

She took a second to take stock of the situation. This was taking too long, as she knew it would. Good thing she had planned for this very eventuality. Julia pulled out her knife, moving to stab John. Penny and Kady turned and looked at her in horror.

“Jesus, what the fuck, Julia?”

This was why she didn’t tell them about her full plan in the first place! She knew they wouldn’t be able to handle it. She turned to argue with them, but then John pulled some magic out of his ass, and Penny seized the opportunity to grab her in a firm hold.

“No. We are not, not, killing a U.S. senator. But we will commit a felony almost as stupid.”

“What??”

“Let’s just kidnap him, Julia, okay?” Kady had picked up on this plan quickly, Julia noted. She continued in a soothing voice. “Maybe he can help us, and, and, anyways we’ve only got one shot at this. If the…procedure goes wrong and we don’t get his energy, then this whole thing was for nothing.”

They had a point, Julia conceded. Maybe she had gone too far? She didn’t love their plan— it was messier and more involved than hers— but if it made them feel better she could go along with it. And anyways, not killing someone when avoidable was definitely what a Good Person would do. She mentally gave herself a pat on the back for sticking to her rules after all.

 

* * *

 

Julia figured she was doing pretty well for herself, all things considered. She had every eventuality covered, she was solving everyone’s problems, the situation was on lock. Okay, yes, maybe using a slowly-dying Quentin as bait was a little rude, but it was really a win-win situation. Alice would be free, Reynard would be dead, and Quentin would no longer be dying. He would probably be a little angry with her, but he needed a little tough love right now.

 “Do it, or we all die right here, right now, Q.” With those words, Julia shoved Quentin directly into Reynard. _C’mon Coldwater, this is an_ easy _choice. Just say the words!_ But Quentin didn’t, and Julia watched with an increasing unease as Reynard taunted her. This, it slowly dawned on her, was not going to plan.

 

* * *

 

She was locked in a magic-canceling dungeon by Kady of all people. Kady, who had supported her and been there through everything—Kady thought she had fucked up. That she was beyond redemption. Stuck in that underground cell with nothing to do but stare at the concrete floor, Julia was trapped with her thoughts.

_Where did I go wrong? I never meant for it to go that far. I was just trying to fix things…_

 But Julia, in all her confidence and problem-solving gusto, had forgotten that other people don’t necessarily approach every situation with the same cool logic that she did now. She had forgotten what normal emotional reactions were like, and because of that Quentin would have died if chance hadn’t intervened.

_How could I have slipped so far? Did I really lose that much when I lost my shade?_ Suddenly, in a sickening rush, it hit her: Yes, she had. Julia had almost killed Quentin, her oldest, best friend, and she _didn’t even care_. She could dimly remember what Julia-with-her-shade felt, how she felt so much, all the time. That Julia would have been horrified by what she just did. But this Julia, her, _me,_ could only feel that in the same way you would feel the emotions of a character in a book you had read long ago. Suddenly, in a sickening rush, she realized that she had come completely unmoored from normal emotional, human reactions. She tried to reach for the emotions she had always relied on before, tried to provoke a reaction from herself, but found nothing. _God, what am I turning into! How long before I won’t even be able to see how far I’ve slipped? It used to be so easy to know what was okay to do._

She wasn’t crying because she felt bad about what she did, she was crying because she should, and she didn’t.

 

* * *

 

 Quentin came back for her, anyways. Not only had he forgiven her for her (second) betrayal, but he wanted to _help_ her. Julia realized something, then. Being a good person wasn’t just not hurting others, but actively trying to help them. A Good Person made other people happy. She would have to remember that, this time. And she knew exactly how to keep that in mind:

  1. When in doubt, WWQCD*?



*What Would Quentin Coldwater Do?

 

* * *

 

“I’d, leave money???”

_Is that what the issue is?_ She tried to evaluate these actions by her Rules for Being a Good Person. _Does this hurt anyone? Easy, no. Would I care if someone stole the teeth I put under my pillow? Probably not._ _I mean, it’s not like the kids need those teeth anymore. Nobody’ll get hurt. In fact, they’re giving the teeth away! They’re waiting for the tooth fairy/a female-presenting magical being/me to come and take their teeth in exchange for money. It’s the_ perfect _crime._

But Quentin seemed to think this was, in fact, an upsetting idea. Sure, technically there would be some minor breaking and entering and property theft etc., but a) she was hardly going to steal something valuable, b) those rules were stupid, and c) it was for the greater good anyways. Was she missing-? Oh wait, Quentin still has baby teeth, cool.

 

* * *

 

 After Quentin left the room, Julia knew she didn’t have much time to- to re-absorb her shade? What verb did you use for this kind of situation? She was already making her way to her pre-teen self when Alice looked up.

“I wish I could go with you.” She whispered, looking at Julia from behind a curtain of stringy hair. “She’s in real trouble. Me, I mean.”

 “I’m really sorry about that Alice,” said Julia. “I would bring you with us if I could.” Julia knew she should feel _something_ here, she should feel sadness, maybe. But, as she noted with a twinge of guilt, she felt nothing much outside of impatience. Julia kneeled down in front of her shade.

"Okay, are you ready for this?”

Her shade leaned in to whisper something to her. “You know, you could bring Alice back with you.”

"What?” Julia choked out in confusion. Then, as understanding dawned on her: Oh, no. No, no, no! I _need_ this. I need _you._ ”

“Okay, if you say so.” Her shade smiled serenely down on her. Damn it, now she was having second thoughts.

_I owe it to Q._ she thought. He was still trying to help her, after all that she had done to him. That they’d done to each other. He still had her back, unwaveringly, and he hadn’t even thought to ask to bring back Alice with them. That look on his face when he saw her— well. She owed him. It was the right thing to do, right? She wanted to be a Good Person, and Good People tried to make their friends happy. But wouldn’t it be better to have her own shade back, so she wouldn’t have to think so hard about how to be a Good Person? She had already forgotten so much. She needed her shade, and Quentin didn’t need Alice, not in the same way. Except that it was her fault that Alice died. Her selfishness, her single-minded determination to get revenge. A Good Person would want to fix that mistake.

“What should I do?” she whispered, staring at her shade. “What would you do?”

The younger version of herself simply shrugged and said, “You already know.”

Julia tipped her head back, eyes closed, let out a breath of air. What would Quentin do in her place?

God fucking _damnit_.

 

* * *

 

It was maybe not the smartest choice, but it was the kindest choice. And seeing the look on Quentin’s face, the hope she had created, well. It was worth it. Maybe she could still be a Good Person after all.

As she rode the elevator up out of the underworld, filled with the glow from Alice’s shade, Julia remembered the last words her shade had said to her.

              Don’t worry. We’ll always find our way.

**Author's Note:**

> so! i think the way the magicians portrayed losing part of your soul as not automatically making you evil to be a really great concept because being good is just as much a choice as it is an inherent trait. I wanted to explore this a. because i love julia but also b. because i often feel that i don't necessarily have the same emotional reactions other people do/my reactions are learned behavior, and it's really nice to have a narrative where that isn't villainized.


End file.
